I liked a girl in university, but she seemed hesitant to date me even though we had a lot in common. When I asked her to go on a date, she mentioned that she liked someone else. I was shocked because I had no idea anyone else was in the picture.
It turns out the “someone else” was her high school history teacher who was in his 30s! Although he hadn’t ever returned her feelings or did anything inappropriate as her teacher, she had a giant crush on him.
I couldn’t believe it. But, I had seen similar things many times when I lost out to guys who were more mature. I asked the question, why are younger women attracted to older men? As a young man it was frustrating!
If you look around, younger woman, older men relationships are very common. In fact, there are some extreme age gaps out there, especially with celebrities.
If you’re a guy wondering why you lost out to an older man or a woman wondering why you are attracted to older men, this article is for you! I’ll explain the reasons.
By the way, we don’t judge consensual adult relationships. As long as the couple is happy, it’s not our business. So, whether you like age gap relationships or prefer someone your own age, that’s great. But, we want to provide an honest look about why some younger women find some older men attractive.
If you look at the way humans have evolved, the younger woman dating an older man model makes a lot of sense. It’s probably why marriages typically involve at least a slightly older guy if there’s an age gap.
Men can theoretically have children at any age, while women, through menopause, are limited to a certain number of years. So, a high value man who still wants children would skew towards younger ages. In addition, a younger woman who wants a stable guy (financial and otherwise) to provide for her and her kids might want go for an older guy.
While few women today need an older, established guy to care for them, millions of years of evolution have influenced our choices. So, a younger woman might fight an older guy attractive for very old fashioned reasons, even if she can’t articulate it.
Keep in mind that all attraction works this way. A guy doesn’t look at an Instagram model and think “damn, she has a nice waist to hip ratio.” In the same way, older brain wiring can drive women’s attraction choices.
2. Power Is Attractive
Attraction isn’t as cut and dry as people think. In university, I was young, in good shape, and certainly on my way to success as a student. But, the girl I liked had a crush on a guy nearing middle age with a beer gut and gray hair who taught an archaic topic.
While women are certainly attracted to physical appearance, social status and other power factors play a larger role than in male attraction to women. It’s why a high powered CEO might be dating his secretary when she would never want to date the awkward, nerdy intern.
The girl I liked was intelligent and who loved school. She looked up to people who could instill knowledge and show intelligence. And, you probably can guess her favorite subject.
So, while many people saw an older guy with a bit of a gut and graying hair in a decent, but not spectacular profession (compared to celebrities), she saw her ideal man. And, the fact that he was a powerful leader in his own domain (the classroom) was no doubt the icing on the cake.
3. Wealth and Resources
This section is going to sound pretty crass, but I’ll come out and say it: wealth and power are attractive to many women. Yeah, I get it. Many factors go into attraction. However, wealth and resources are one major way a guy can stand out and get a date, all other things being equal.
And, who is more likely to have wealth and power? A person just starting out or a guy in his 30s and 40s? It’s just the nature of modern society that you have to work your way up “the corporate ladder.”
Even a relatively successful guy in his 20s is just more likely to have money as he gets older. A younger guy in many respects just can’t compete because of his age if the girl desires an older guy with wealth and resources.
So, if a woman values stability and financial resources over and above other aspects of attraction, an older guy can be very appealing for that reason alone.
One of the biggest complaints I hear about dating from younger women is that many of the guys their age are just super immature. The women are university educated with good jobs, but a lot of the men they encounter don’t even have a job and their hobbies consist of playing video games and watching TV.
I’m not saying that stereotype of young men is true. But, if that’s the type of guy that you tend to attract, you can see how an older guy who has his shit together could be very appealing. Having a house/apartment, a car, an established credit history, and the ability to pay for nice things can make dating a lot more fun and stable.
5. Daddy Issues
Lots of people asking why are younger women attracted to older men will bring up the topic of daddy issues. I put it at the end for a couple of reasons.
First, while lack of fathers in the lives of girls and boys is a major problem, saying anyone who likes older men has “daddy issues” is simplistic. Not only that, but the term is thrown out to belittle and shame. Didn’t grow up with a dad? Dating an older man? “Daddy issues!” yells the single, jealous friend zoned guy at her side.
Second, a recent study showed that women who preferred relationships with older men didn’t even have any significant “daddy issues” at all, at least not compared to women who dated guys their own age.
So, while there might be some younger women dating an older guy to find the dad they never had, in most cases, the charge of daddy issues is just a snide insult with no basis in science.
This article should give you an idea of why age gap relationships of older men and younger women happen with some frequency.
Originally Published on thepopularman.com